Comments on: Do You ‘Steal’ Money From Your Spouse?

By: KT

KT — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 23:49:28 +0000

My Husband is bad at saving money and we have zero credit. I am trying to save for a new mini van we really need. He used to have a high paying job and I never felt the need to control spending. But, always have been sales rack/coupon thrifty. But, given dire economics I budget everything with him out of work and my small income. So he is constantly going in my purse and lying about it. I am more disgusted he is lying to me than snagging 20 bucks we do not have. Then when caught he gets mad if I suggest he uses the 20 he stole (cough) took for some gas. He loves lotto and buying lunches for himself with the treat money. I have saved us 2k so far but had to hide my purse!!!! lol

By: Dan

Dan — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 17:42:15 +0000

As horrible as this topic is, it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I make ~3 times my fiancé and pay all the bills (mortgages, car insurance, etc) with the exception of her car payment and a furniture payment ( although both are in my name because she has terrible credit). She is terrible with money, it just burns holes in her pockets. Asking her to help with bills, or even just help keeping them low by not leaving all the lights on just ends in an argument. Im not and have never asked for 50/50 split, not even proportional to you incomes but she refuses. She gets paid every 2 weeks and at the end of it she is always asking for money to tie her over to her next paycheck. She recently got a job but it’s 100 mile round trip everyday so her monthly gasoline bills are high but she drives a big gas guzzling Luxury SUV. I have told her we need to sell it and buy something economical if she is going to drive that much and she bites my head off. Other than gasoline she spends money on clothes, cigarettes, makeup, hair, nothing to help “us”. A few months ago I received a $400 gift card from work. I didn’t want to just fritter it away so I put it up for emergencies (car repairs that kind of thing). My dog fell ill and I had thousands in vets bills. To help get me through the month I was going to use the gift card but it was missing. I asked if she had seen it and she said no but was a little cagey. I continued th hunt, turning the house upside down and she even helped. Eventually I called the company and they said the balance was zero. I asked if they could Send me a list of transactions. I told my fiancé and she still stuck with her story. The statement arrived yesterday and sure enough all the charges were for gas stations and stores around her work. I handed her the statement and she said that she used it every now and again but didn’t realize it added up to so much until the card stopped working. Then she tried to turn it around on me saying that I’m tight with money and dont help her? I am in a commited relationship and am willing to help her financially but I want her to at least try and help herself. If she wasn’t blowing money on clothes and hair appointments but still couldn’t make her bills, I would understand but she just expects me to bail her out each week. Anyway I said calmly ( and I do mean calmly) why she stole from me and flat out lied to me about the card. She said she told her mom about it a while back and she advised her to just replace the card. How I’m not sure seeing as she can’t make it 2 weeks without going in the red. I’ll be honest and say this is not he first time she has taken money without asking but this is the first time I have not been able to afford her doing it. To add insult to injury she has trust issues and always makes comments about me being with other people ( almost always co-workers). To say these acqusations are unfounded is an understatement as I don’t go out anywhere without her, ever. I really have no friends. I go to work, come home and spend weekends at home with her. If there is a young female at work, even if she works in a different department on the other side of the building, she will make comments about me texting her or meeting up with her. I feel like she is the one being dishonest and I’m getting the flak??

By: Mae

Mae — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 03:05:31 +0000

Wow, I thought I am the only one victim here, Me and my Boyfriend is in a serious relationship turning on 3 years and living together but these past few weeks after he resigned from his previous job and is waiting for his embarkation for a new job i found out that he was stealing my own money. At home since i am the one earning this time i am the one paying bills, buys foods etc, paying rent for our apartment. One time when i was asleep early i just leave a 2,000 pesos ($45) in my wallet inside my bag when i woke up at 3am dawn i noticed that he wasnt beside me nor at the living room and then i was lloking for my phone to call him thats when i realized he stole my money, because i loved him i forgive him. After 3 days of that incident, i went to the bank to withdraw in a ATM machine with him… he says that he will be the one to withdraw money for me but i insist so when i got to the machine i noticed someone has withdrawn money from my account amounting to 5,600 pesos ( $132) i was really upset with him and start a quarrel… but then he was able to pay me for that after making a loan from a local bank. Just last night he again steal my 1,000 pesos ($22.22) and star a fight again… i ended up throwing punch to him, kicking him…. anything that could hurt him because i was really mad at him, hurting him physically was my revenge but he doesnt fight back. I was upset because the money with me is all allocated for the bills, rentals and food. he doest care. and the common denominator is that he admits of it all that he do it but doesnt tell me how he spend the money. Please advise me what to do… should i separate with him now? i mean …is break up a solution to our problem.. because honestly now i am afraid of him being left at home.. afraid that he would sell or pawn any of my jewelry or appliances just to have money…. Please advise…. Thank you very much..

By: Crystal

Crystal — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 14:26:01 +0000

Really? what psychiatrist tells you to stay in an abusive relationship?
get out of there ASAP for the sake of yours and your childs mental and physical health!

By: Cindy

Cindy — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 17:50:25 +0000

My husband steals everything. I used to think it was to drive me crazy because he puts me down all the time. But I just noticed all my pillow cases are gone and I’m always buying clothes. Recently He requested I replace his glasses he said I accidentally dropped and stepped on in the dark one night. I refused because mine are always coming up missing. I did buy my daughter and myself two pair each of glasses coming very close to a thousand $ and low and behold my close-up bifocals are gone ($500). His mother wears similar Rx. I put my money in same bank and now he is not putting any money in the joint account. I was notified by the bank that they were transferring monies from my personal accounts to our joint account now because I have free overdraft protection. He will not comment and refuses to do anything. The bank said something about canceling the joint accounts. He keeps threatening to quit his job that he will lose anyhow next time he goes into withdrawals. His drinking increases until he cannot function and he gets fired or goes into withdrawals. I was told a lawyer would just take all of my savings and presently I do not have a job. I have one minor child now others are grown and little support. Everyone tells me he will die because he drinks so much and to stick it out but his family are such losers I believe everything he owns is in his dad’s name and he’s a piece of crap. I have consulted so many counselors, social workers and I see a psychiatrist who tells me to keep getting educated and applying for jobs and not to leave until I am gainfully employed. If so called spouse has his way I will be broke by then. I have enough now to cover big bills and pay student loan debts. I feel so sorry for my kids. I blew it when I married this guy. All he cares about is the moment and drinking. He is sadistic watches sadistic videos, has asked me to let him duct-tape me all over;yet he says I’m crazy. I guess I am because I married him. At least he doesn’t hit me anymore or the kids they are big enough to hit him back. I hate him.

By: NoOneisPerfect

NoOneisPerfect — Fri, 06 May 2011 14:14:56 +0000

As i read the posts on the site, I can easily resonate an understanding with everyone. Coming from someone who did ‘those’ things to my significant other, I can say that it DOES have a negative impact on the relationship when taking money is done. I did that to my wife for about a year and to this day it has created a huge gap between us emotionally. We share the same goals but our methods we’re just different. I regret doing what i did, I havent repeated it nor will i ever knowing what i know now. In the end, as a husband and now father, i’d rather end up with 5 cents in my pocket than see my wife spend a dime on our home or our son. I look back and see what i did and the only reason i can come up with was (aside from blatant stupidity) fear of being out of control. Control is an illusion and should be checked, along with pride, at the door once married. I no longer make as much as i used to (yet i am working on job prospects that can get us there again) but i will be damned if i cannot provide for my family. The worse thing is that when the ‘stealing’ comes to the surface, every aspect of the relationship gets scrutinized. We went to therapy, counseling and I havent repeated any behavior and my wife knows this yet because of my transgression, it has put a strain on our marriage which i must deal with. Stop doing that to each other and focus on a plan (no matter how long it takes) to get out of your situation and focus on the family – no one else. Then and only then, will the marriage blossom again.

By: Clifford K

Clifford K — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 00:11:53 +0000

I feel like such A fool.I’m 60yrs old and my wife of 4yrs has milked me for 23000$. over the marriage .Some [majority]of it has been inheritence money.Jackpots stashed has been found and spent friviosly without ever telling me.I had 100lbs of state quarters I saved for 8 yrs.It was taken steadily for 2yrs without me knowing it.Every time I approached her on these incidents,she was sorry and said she would not do this again.I set her up inthe first year with a Mary Kay store[5300$]She turned right around and took another $12000 without telling me to put in MK buisness then just blew theprofits.She may have 1000 worth of stock in invetory.I had to put all my bank accounts in my name only.The prblem seemed to go away untill she had our 2009 tax deposited[refund] deposited 4400$ in her bank.I kept asking her to ck why our refund hadn’t come in yet.She said the IRS was late on all refunds.In feb2011 I went on line to find out it went her bank back in oct2010.She denied bold faced untill I presented the proof.I love this women unconditionally and wonder if I’m just a fool for sticking it out .We don’t run around on each other and have adeep love for each other.I understand she was raised in poverty and abused ,but there has to be trust or else how can you build for the future.My grown daughter had to take my gold coins and put them in a joint saftey box .Thats the only thing monetarily I got left.

By: chastity30311

chastity30311 — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 03:37:55 +0000

You hit the nail on the head. The thief (typically) is not the bread winner. Checks and balances my butt…no checks being written; no books being balanced.

By: chastity30311

chastity30311 — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 03:33:31 +0000

I know exactly how you feel. My guy just left the house. I called him back, and asked where my card was. He said, “I can’t hear you.” “Yes you can! It was in my purse, and now it isn’t.” He then admitted that he used $6.54 to get some beer and that he would bring my card back immediately. B.S.! He didn’t come back. So I just put a hold on my debit card, and have to go to the bank to change it. To think that our baby’s due at the end of March…At least that’s the only issue that you all have. He’s just wrong for me. We are on two different levels emotionally, financially, and most of all intellectually.

By: sam

sam — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 05:22:31 +0000

Exactly. When one spouse/ partner takes money without discussing and coming to some sort of agreement on what can and cannot be spent just shows a lack of respect for the other and the relationship. I have been dealing with money issues in my own relationship. I’m the responsible one and my credit and livelihood has suffered due to my boyfriend’s lack of financial responsibility. I had great credit until he lost his job and began taking money I made to support us. He cleared out my savings and checking accounts, wrote bad checks in my name, steal my tips from bartending earnings and sold my stuff. I couldn’t pay my bills because of his selfish behavior and now I’m trying to rebuild my credit. I am a person who budgets what I need for bills, savings, emergencies, and fun money. I have a real hard time living with people living by the seat of their pants. I need to know that I can maintain my living expenses and thus relieving stress from day-to-day living. I now have complete control over the money so the bills will be paid. Every once in a while, money goes missing and I’m constantly finding new ways to keep that from happening. I have felt betrayed and frankly screwed over by this behavior. This has developed distrust and has damaged our relationship. I just think that if I was alone, I wouldn’t have to deal with this crap. You take the good with bad in human relationships in order to maintain them. I just don’t want to live my life without trust and a dime to my name because of someone else’s lack of maturity. I hate that money is so important in our society, but it us and people need to respect others right to save their money for a raining day. Just because you have a relationship with another human being, it doesn’t give you the right to take whatever you want. That is not love.