Do You ‘Steal’ Money From Your Spouse?
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Managing money between a husband and wife can present some real challenges. Have you ever found yourself at the store or gas station ready to pay, only to realize that the last $20 in your purse or wallet is gone? It’s a sickening feel in the pit of your stomach when you realize you can’t pay for something. This happened to my mom all the time when I was a kid.
My parents went from one financial crisis to another and were always short on cash. I recall vividly my mom yelling at my step-dad because he had taken money out of her purse and left her with nothing. She usually figured out that she had no cash just after putting $5 worth of gas in the car (gas was a lot cheaper back then). A resolution to this problem always seemed simple to me, even if it eluded my parents. So here are some tips if you or your spouse are regularly raiding the other’s money supply:
1. Communicate: If you need cash, don’t just take it from your spouse without talking to them first. We all find ourselves without cash from time to time, but taking your spouse’s money without asking (or at least telling) them, is just plain rude. In a pinch, at least leave a note if for some reason you can’t speak to them right away.
2. Plan: Often times, a spouse is out of cash for lack of planning. Occasionally this happens to us all. But if it’s a regular occurrence, then you need to rethink how you’re managing your money. My wife always keeps a $20 reserve for emergencies. If she needs to use it, she makes sure to replenish it as soon as possible.
3. Use a Debit Card: We use a MasterCard debit card that is tied to our checking account. We also have overdraft protection just in case we run a negative balance just before payday. With the debit card, we are never out of money as long as we can get to an ATM or don’t have to pay cash for what we’re purchasing.
4. Carry a Credit Card: We also carry a credit card just in case. I know there are some who view credit cards as evil. I don’t, although we do pay off our credit card balance each month. But carrying a credit card can come in handy during an emergency, particularly when we are traveling.
5. Respect Each Other: Money is one of the biggest causes of strife in a marriage. Taking money from a spouse without communicating with them can understandably be a serious source of conflict. It may be a quick an easy solution to a money shortfall, but the harm it can do to your relationship in the long run is not worth it. In the end it comes down to mutual respect.
6. Keep a Change Jar: We have a change jar where we dump our change at the end of the day. Over time, the amount of money in the change jar can grow and come in handy when you’re in a bind. I sometimes need to pay $5 in cash to park my car at the subway, and I’ve tapped the change jar more than once when my wallet was empty.
Do you or your spouse take money from the other without asking? Cast your vote, and then leave a comment if you’ve had to confront this issue in your marriage.
Loading …Update: This article was featured as an Editor’s Pick in the 58th Edition of the Carnival of Money Stories.
9 Comments, Comment or Ping
Mrs. Micah
Never. I rarely use cash anyway, if I need some I always ask him if he has any. We have a coin jar that we both take from, but we don’t count on it for anything.
Apr 29th, 2008
jm
Are you serious? Even when I ask my wife for cash, I actually physically bring her purse to her and ask her to fish it out, even if she says “Just get it out of my wallet in my purse downstairs” because I am *that* uncomfortable with the idea of going through her purse. You do not go through a woman’s handbag.
I would *never* consider ’stealing’ from my wife, even in an emergency, even if it meant walking home to get my wallet to go back to the gas station to pay for the stupid gas.
Of course it would never come to that extreme because I am good with money.
Apr 29th, 2008
Valerie
I’ve never taken money from my husband’s wallet. If I need $20, I’ll ask for $40. He’ll negotiate with me down to $20, and be pleased with his bargain!
Apr 29th, 2008
ideal4investors
My husband cleans out my wallet all the time and he even takes my credit cards. I ended up flying to Chicago on a business trip a couple of years ago with no money and no credit cards. I know what I married and now I know to always check my wallet before I leave the house!
May 6th, 2008
michele
my husband used to squirrel away money all the time and have it in a jar in his shed somewhere. I learned about it after a while and from then on always suspected he kept doing it. he would go to the ATM and take out money which i thought he was using for petrol etc but he would be hiding it. I must state that he thought he was doing the right thing by saving for a rainy day but it was up to him when he thought he should bring it out, it didn’t matter to him whether I was lying awake at night worrying myself to the bones over bills etc which incidentally he has always left to me and never shared the stress of( which is my fault i should have requested that we do this as a team but I didn’t know so much then) Sometimes he would use this money to make some improvement to the home which i was never consulted on and which people later would comment on and say “WOW, michele aren’t you lucky you have a husband who does such nice things…” Initially I thought oh, yeah, i guess i am but the improvemnets were never anything vital, he never does little jobs I ask for,like make a proper fence for my dog who always jumps out if i forget to put her inside for a storm, or fix that bit of wood skirting back so that when i vacuum I don’t knock it loose by mistake, he made a fancy patio when we already had an ordinary patio and he installed a dishwasher when I didn’t even want or need one, lots of stuff that no doubt increases the value of our home but there have been so many times when I have not been able to manage and have been borrowing from peter to pay paul, the toll on my health I have to say has been severe in the past from stress and worry. It has hurt me so much that he could know I was suffering and knowingly keep that money from me that I could have used to pay school fees etc or bills just so he could do his little projects. I personally could never do that, if I knew he or any member of my family or friends were worrrying themselves sick like that and i had the spare cash even if i was saving for something special i would give it to them… life’s too short and it’s only material goods, better to help someone out than save up for rangehoods, patios and rock walls. I don;’t think he does it now as we are better off and the kids have grown up and left home, things are niot so strained, but it wouldn’t surprise me if i disovered he still did. That’s the worst of it.I learned that he would put his desires over my needs if he felt like that. We’ce been married 22 years and I would say have a pretty good marriage, he’s a good husband in many ways but I don’t think I ever will understand this trait of his and I don’t think much of it. When people comment to me about things he’s done to the house I say to them, ” I don’t care a fig about it ” I had a perfectly good patio, stove etc before that, not as pretty but nothing worng with it, and the trauma that all cost me in terms of not beeing able to pay my bills because of it was not worth it, to ME. I always tell people, that it HIS patio and HIS wall and HIS whatever becasue I never got asked diod I want this or did i think it was a good idea. He just did it anyways. I love him but I think this was selfish. I could never do that to anyone.
May 17th, 2008
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